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Health & Fitness

Happy Father's Day, Dad

Not the fairy tale, storybook, dad, but it worked out all right.

As a child from a divorced family, I think I had some challenges that were unique. I know there are lots of very successful one parent households, but the best of them occur when the split is amicable. It was definitely not like that for our family.

I have two brothers, one older and one younger. We almost never lived together, as my parents divorced when I was three. You might think it is better, if divorce occurs, that the division happens while the children are very young. I don’t think it matters. I don’t think there is a good age to end a marriage. There are some good reasons, but the age of the child isn't one of them.

My mother worked as a waitress, with some moonlighting as a bookie. My father worked as a laborer or in a factory. My grandparents had both quit working by the time we all began a rotation of duty involving school, living arrangements and the lack of money that seemed to be a constant problem no matter where I lived.

Sometimes I lived with my mom. Most times I lived with my grandparents. Occasionally, I lived with my dad.  My brothers mostly lived with my dad, so we never developed much of a sibling relationship. My youth seemed to consist of a constantly packed suitcase, poised for travel when someone became so exasperated with me, I was sent off (usually in a most dramatic fashion) to live somewhere else.

This probably sound dreadful to you, and I guess it was, but since it was all I knew, it didn’t seem unusual at the time. It was chaotic and it was upsetting because most of the turmoil involved my mother railing about my father; “The No Good Drunk” and my father ranting about my mother. (I can’t even repeat those words!) My grandmother sided with my mother and my grandfather tried to keep peace with everyone, but I never heard him say a harsh word about my dad.

There are lots of dreadful stories I could tell you, but I started writing tonight with the idea of a Father’s Day tribute, and I see I’m not exactly getting that point out here, so I’m going to try to rein this in by just telling you:

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I regret I did not have the family I saw in books and movies and on TV, but that longing, that need for stability, that desire for family is what led me to this point in my life. I have never been angry or bitter. I may have wished for better. I may have dreamed of more, but this is good enough.

I loved my dad and even though he’s been dead for 28 years, I love him still. I hope if your father is within reach, you can spend a little time with him or call him and I’m sure that will be enough for you, too.

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